CPA

I don’t even know how to write this post…there is a part of me that doesn’t want to and just wants to ignore everything that is happening but this blog is about life, documenting the good and the bad. We are so fortunate that so much of this blog is good. We have much to be thankful for.

Most of you know that Ryan has been in the process of applying for the Head Coaching position at CPA over the course of the last 2 months. He has been at CPA for 7 years and God has used him in amazing ways there during that time. We have met some amazing people, made some lifelong friendships, and have overall been blessed by our experience and the CPA community. Over the past 2 months, I have watched as Ryan has crafted his plan for leading the football program, and I can say with confidence (wife or not) that it was amazing. In regards to this plan, he was told that “anyone can put something down on paper” but anyone who truly knows Ryan knows that he always executes on his plans – it is part of who he is. He would have executed on his plan and it would have been brilliant. Anyone who believes otherwise either doesn’t know Ryan or is lying to himself. I have never been more proud as he presented this vision for the program and the kids – one that was centered on excellence on and off the field – in football and in life. One that was centered on drawing people into the program & the mission of the school – not on drawing people into himself.

We found out last Wednesday night that Ryan wasn’t selected for the position. I was out of town in Florida and while it was so hard for me to be away and not be able to be here with Ryan, looking back (even after just a few days) I know it was providential because had I been here that night, let’s just say “hell hath no fury like a woman whose husband has been scorned”. As I mentioned earlier, there is part of me that doesn’t want to write this post. There is another part of me that wants to write every single detail about what was said & done. Out of love for a dear friend of mine, I will not say here what I really feel and want to say other than this – we feel hurt and betrayed. If Ryan wasn’t their man for the reasons that he was told, CPA had the opportunity to do the right thing at several different points throughout the process for a man who has given so much over the past 7 years. We trusted the people involved and they could have stepped up to the plate to have a tough conversation with him in December that he wasn’t their guy, but they didn’t. They took the easy way out and instead put him through a process that wouldn’t change the reasons why he wasn’t selected. It was weak and it was wrong.

The hurt and disappointment is manifesting itself in different ways – I can’t sleep, will think I’m okay and then think about specific things that were said to Ryan and my stomach will turn such that I know for sure I will vomit, and more than anything just wish I could take it all away. Amidst the hurt and pain however, there is a silver lining. As a good friend so wisely said to me “ God allowed this to happen, and God uses all things for our good. Therefore, we can thank God even in this pain for His presence and His plan. We may not be able to see it, but God promises us that even the things that others mean for harm, He can use for good.” In the short term we are hurt and angry, but our faith is bigger than this and we have been through more difficult things before. God has been faithful to us in the past and He will be faithful again. Of this we are certain. It doesn’t make it any easier right now but we do believe in our hearts that God’s plan is bigger than our own. God had different plans for us than we had hoped in regards to CPA, but we do know this – God is in control….and God is good.

Ryan will lead a program one day and it will be at a place where he is surrounded by people who appreciate him for who he is. Please join me in praying that Ryan will be surrounded by TRUTH and that he would see the amazing man, coach, teacher, and leader that God has created him to be. Pray also that the next career step would be clear as we look for new opportunities and that God will give us a heart of forgiveness toward those involved in this process. It will be a long road. Also pray for me as I try to support Ryan when all I want to do is crawl in the bed and cry myself. Pray also that this stress will not impact the baby.

Here’s to hoping for positive posts to come….and trusting in God’s faithfulness again.