Big Girl Bed

When we got home from Atlanta, Madison Claire decided she didn't want to sleep in her bed. She would sleep on the floor in the corner of her room and on her rocking chair, but not in her bed. We decided that it wasn't good for her to be curled up in the rocking chair so went on and moved her into her big girl bed. It wasn't exactly how I had planned it. I wanted to get her room all ready with the perfect paint, decorations, comforter, etc. and then introduce her to her fabulous big girl room. Well - all she got was a big girl bed in what otherwise looked like our guest bedroom! Oh well!

She responded so well to the transition - she immediately just crawled into the bed, under the covers and slept! She has loved her big girl room ever since! Hopefully one day it will be all nice and "ready" but for now, the big girl bed is enough to make her happy :).

January

Because of everything going on, I'm behind on updating on our month of January. In early January, I had to go to Atlanta for a certification class for work so I took Madison Claire with me to stay with my parents. We drove down on a Sunday afternoon and they were saying that the south was going to get bad weather, so I dropped her off at my parents place and then headed to my hotel - on the other side of town, about 45 minutes away. My parents tried to talk me into staying at their house but I decided to go on down to the hotel anyway.

I got to the hotel around 5pm and by 7pm the snow had arrived and it covered things quickly. Once I realized how bad it was, I had a brief moment of freaking out and thinking to myself "why did I come here?". I thought that I could maybe make it back to my parents house if I left right away so I repacked my suit case very quickly and ran out of the hotel to try to leave. Someone was pulling into the parking lot and yelled out at me "are you crazy?!?". I couldn't even get out of the parking lot so I re-parked, went back into the hotel and proceeded to be stuck there for 3 days.

I participated in the certification class virtually on Monday and then on Tuesday afternoon ventured out in the Honda Pilot for the 2 mile drive to the hotel where the rest of the participants were staying. I made the drive okay (though it was scary) and as I was pulling into the hotel parking lot, noticed that a pizza shop was open across the street. I had had room service for 4 meals in a row, so a piece of pizza sounded better than a million dollars to me. I decided I would venture across the street and made it across the street fine but as soon as I tried to step in the parking lot I 100% COMPLETELY BUSTED on the ice. I'm talking, feet slipped out from underneath me, I think my body was parallel to the ground in the air and I slammed on the ground on my tailbone. OUCH is all I have to say about that.

I crawled on my hands and knees over to the curb and sat there for a while just praying I'd be able to stand up and make it back across the street into the hotel. I did, but the pain just throbbed and throbbed so by the time I made it to the lobby I was bawling and of course couldn't reach Ryan on the phone and knew no one there other than some people that had been on a 5 hour conference call with me the day before. It was pretty lonely.

Wednesday afternoon I made it from where I was staying out to my parents house and it was probably the scariest hour long drive of my life. Portions of the road were just solid ice and cars were sliding everywhere. I once again cursed myself for not buying the 4 wheel drive. I just prayed and prayed over and over again that God would help me make it home and not get stuck far from home by myself on the side of the road, pregnant, with no good walking shoes. God blessed that trip and I made it home...I'm still not really sure how and I don't want to EVER do that again. My next car will have 4 wheel drive or all wheel drive - mark my words.

The next 2 days were fun because we were still stuck, but at least we were stuck with my family and I was with Madison Claire. We finally made it back to Nashville that Saturday...it was quite the adventure and a trip we won't forget. Ryan was so happy to see us! Here are a few pics from that week:

Sleeping in the car on the way down...such a big girl

Madison Claire does NOT like the snow - she starts crying and saying all done as soon as we step outside

The view out of my hotel room after it had been snowing for only about 45 minutes

MC is SPOILED by her Uncle Patrick and soon to be Uncle Ben

DIVA

CPA

I don’t even know how to write this post…there is a part of me that doesn’t want to and just wants to ignore everything that is happening but this blog is about life, documenting the good and the bad. We are so fortunate that so much of this blog is good. We have much to be thankful for.

Most of you know that Ryan has been in the process of applying for the Head Coaching position at CPA over the course of the last 2 months. He has been at CPA for 7 years and God has used him in amazing ways there during that time. We have met some amazing people, made some lifelong friendships, and have overall been blessed by our experience and the CPA community. Over the past 2 months, I have watched as Ryan has crafted his plan for leading the football program, and I can say with confidence (wife or not) that it was amazing. In regards to this plan, he was told that “anyone can put something down on paper” but anyone who truly knows Ryan knows that he always executes on his plans – it is part of who he is. He would have executed on his plan and it would have been brilliant. Anyone who believes otherwise either doesn’t know Ryan or is lying to himself. I have never been more proud as he presented this vision for the program and the kids – one that was centered on excellence on and off the field – in football and in life. One that was centered on drawing people into the program & the mission of the school – not on drawing people into himself.

We found out last Wednesday night that Ryan wasn’t selected for the position. I was out of town in Florida and while it was so hard for me to be away and not be able to be here with Ryan, looking back (even after just a few days) I know it was providential because had I been here that night, let’s just say “hell hath no fury like a woman whose husband has been scorned”. As I mentioned earlier, there is part of me that doesn’t want to write this post. There is another part of me that wants to write every single detail about what was said & done. Out of love for a dear friend of mine, I will not say here what I really feel and want to say other than this – we feel hurt and betrayed. If Ryan wasn’t their man for the reasons that he was told, CPA had the opportunity to do the right thing at several different points throughout the process for a man who has given so much over the past 7 years. We trusted the people involved and they could have stepped up to the plate to have a tough conversation with him in December that he wasn’t their guy, but they didn’t. They took the easy way out and instead put him through a process that wouldn’t change the reasons why he wasn’t selected. It was weak and it was wrong.

The hurt and disappointment is manifesting itself in different ways – I can’t sleep, will think I’m okay and then think about specific things that were said to Ryan and my stomach will turn such that I know for sure I will vomit, and more than anything just wish I could take it all away. Amidst the hurt and pain however, there is a silver lining. As a good friend so wisely said to me “ God allowed this to happen, and God uses all things for our good. Therefore, we can thank God even in this pain for His presence and His plan. We may not be able to see it, but God promises us that even the things that others mean for harm, He can use for good.” In the short term we are hurt and angry, but our faith is bigger than this and we have been through more difficult things before. God has been faithful to us in the past and He will be faithful again. Of this we are certain. It doesn’t make it any easier right now but we do believe in our hearts that God’s plan is bigger than our own. God had different plans for us than we had hoped in regards to CPA, but we do know this – God is in control….and God is good.

Ryan will lead a program one day and it will be at a place where he is surrounded by people who appreciate him for who he is. Please join me in praying that Ryan will be surrounded by TRUTH and that he would see the amazing man, coach, teacher, and leader that God has created him to be. Pray also that the next career step would be clear as we look for new opportunities and that God will give us a heart of forgiveness toward those involved in this process. It will be a long road. Also pray for me as I try to support Ryan when all I want to do is crawl in the bed and cry myself. Pray also that this stress will not impact the baby.

Here’s to hoping for positive posts to come….and trusting in God’s faithfulness again.

20 weeks & It's A.....

BOY!!

I thought I should share a pregnancy update since it's been awhile. The first 20 weeks went by fairly slow, but I didn't really feel very pregnant, so in some ways it didn't feel like forever. I still haven't had too many cravings or side effects from the pregnancy. I'm very thankful!!!

I finally started showing a little bit over the holidays (belly pics below) and seem to keep popping out every minute. We were so excited for our 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. I really thought it was going to be a girl because this pregnancy has felt very similar to my last one. The morning of my appointment, I woke up with a HORRIBLE headache. It got worse and worse as the day went on and was so bad that by the time for my appointment, I didn't even really want to go. I had a heating pad (basically a sock filled with brown rice) that I took with me to the doctor and I got the most interesting looks in the waiting room as I sat there with a big sock on my forehead.

Luckily, Ryan was with me and he tried to distract me so I wouldn't think about how much pain I was in, but I'll be honest, it was pretty miserable. When they finally called us back for the ultrasound, I couldn't even be excited about it because all I could think about was how bad my head hurt. As soon as the little baby popped up on the screen, it was sucking it's thumb which just cracked me up given how much Madison Claire loves her thumb.

Everything looked great during the ultrasound and Lena, the technician, showed us fairly early on that it was a little boy! We were shocked and excited! He cooperated for the first part of the ultrasound and then we spent half of the last 30 minutes trying anything and everything to get him to move (imagine me flipping back and forth like a fish on the table, getting up and doing jumping jacks and high knees, etc.). We finally got all of the pictures that we needed to make sure that he was growing in the right way and headed off to meet with the doctor.

On our way home, we stopped at Party City to pick up some blue balloons to bring in to the house to announce to Madison Claire and Annie that it was a boy! We took a picture of Madison Claire holding the balloon and sent it out to our friends and family to share the news. Actually - Ryan did all of that because as soon as we got home, I went straight to bed because my head was still pounding. I didn't even get to talk to my family until about 9:30pm that evening when my headache finally started to subside.

We are excited (and a little scared!) to be having a boy and now begins all of the fun stuff like planning the nursery, deciding on a name, moving Madison Claire, etc. Hard to believe we are halfway there!

20 weeks belly shots:

Monkey Joe's

Madison Claire and I were planning to be gone for the week in Atlanta since I had to be there for work, so we wanted to do something fun with her on Saturday so she and Ryan could spend some good time together. I had heard about a new place that opened up called Monkey Joe's. It's basically an indoor playplace where they have a lot of blow up, bouncy things. At first, she wasn't sure what to think about it and was very timid but once Ryan got in with her and showed her the ropes, she had a ball! Her favorite was going down the slides (and trying to climb back up them) with daddy! Love these pics and videos:

Madison Claire loves her Nana & Papa Gary!

After being gone 2 weeks for the holidays, the McSwains were in need of a Madison Claire fix so we met up for lunch the day after we got back. I don't know who was more excited - Madison Claire or the McSwains! We had celebrated Christmas with them before we left for Atlanta and while I don't have any pictures, you can imagine Madison Claire surrounded by presents, presents and more presents with the biggest smile on her face! I think her favorite of the bunch was a Dora guitar that plays the songs from the show. I'll try to get a video of her playing it soon.

2010 Reflections - we are blessed!

It's hard to believe that another year has come and gone. 2010 seemed to go by so fast. It was such a fun year watching Madison Claire grow up. At the beginning of 2010, she wasn't walking and now she is running, jumping, and took her first big fall down our stairs. It is amazing to watch her learn and grow. She has such a sweet, spunky spirit about her. We can't wait to see the little girl and one day young woman that she will become. We are blessed. We also spent much of 2010 trying to get pregnant, so were thrilled when we found out we would be having another baby! We are blessed.

It was also a great year for Ryan and I. We enjoyed more weeks of vacation than we have in awhile and chose to make investments in our marriage through spending time together away. Maui, Destin, Chicago, and weekends alone in Nashville were all special. We made it through parenting challenges, financial challenges, and highs and lows with each of our work environments. I am more thankful for Ryan today than I ever have been. He has been such a rock & leader for our family. We are blessed.

2011 is shaping up to be an eventful year and we pray God's blessings for each of you in this new year!


Thanks to "Less Ordinary Designs" http://www.less-ordinary.designs.com/ for the beautiful card.