Tribute to the Morgans

11 Alive News did a touching tribute on the Morgan's tonight...check it out:

http://www.11alive.com/video/default.aspx?aid=109796&storyid=132438 

Random Thoughts

I can't believe that I will go back to work tomorrow.  It seems like the past 3.5 months have just flown by.  As I think about that time, I've had a few random thoughts that I wanted to share so I would always remember feeling this way.  

In many ways, I think I was born to be a mom.  I never knew that having a child could fill my heart with so much love and bring my life so much joy.  Madison Claire genuinely just makes me happy - all of the time!  I know some skeptics out there think I am sugar coating motherhood but honestly, for me, every time I look at her sweet face..even when she is crying...I am filled with joy.  Most of you who know me well know that I can be pretty high strung and stressed at times.  I would have thought that Madison Claire would have just compounded these traits in me...that her inability to adhere to my schedule & plans would be frustrating beyond belief but I have found the opposite to be true.  She has mellowed me out in so many ways.  It really is unbelievable and if you've spent much time around me as a mom, I think you would agree.

Being a mom has also allowed me to have such a deeper appreciation for my own mom.  She has been such an amazing cheerleader for us our whole lives.  Mom - I appreciate your sacrifices and love for all of us kids.  You were always there for us and created the home environment that allowed us to have such a special relationship growing up.  I know you always credit dad for being such a huge influence in our lives and you are right - he certainly was - but you don't give yourself enough credit either.  I pray with all of my heart that I can be as good, strong, loving, encouraging and fun of a mom as you are!  I don't say it enough but I want you to know how much I admire you and love you.  Thank you for all that you do!

Being a parent is such a responsibility and as Ryan and I think about and pray about raising Madison Claire, we are so thankful for our own parents and how they raised us.  I am thankful to Cheryl & Gary for raising such an incredible husband and now father.  I am also thankful to my parents for fostering such a great sense of family amongst my siblings. 

I continue to be overwhelmed with love for my amazing husband as I watch him be a father to Madison Claire.   When I see his heart melt at her smile and his big, strong arms holding her while she sleeps I fall in love with him all over again.  I feel so blessed - truly to overflowing - that I find myself on the verge of tears of joy almost daily.  God has looked on me with favor and I am so undeserving.  I am thankful and humbled. 

Prayers for the Morgans

Many of you have been praying for our friends the Morgans over the past few years.  We are saddened that both Missy & Ryan lost their battles to cancer this week.  Missy passed away on Wednesday evening and Ryan joined her in heaven on Friday afternoon.  We are glad that Missy and Ryan are no longer in any pain but are grieving with Les, Heidi & Will.  Please pray for them during this time - that God would give them a peace that we can't understand, that they would turn to each other & God for comfort, and that their friends/family would surround them with love.  We will be headed to Atlanta next Friday for a combined memorial service on Saturday afternoon.  

When I think about Missy, the image that comes to mind is a cheerleader.  I remember our first lighthouse 5 years ago.  We were the "Red hots" for our beach olympic team and Missy was not about to just do the red-hots cheer and be done with it.  Oh no - she took everyones Lighthouse bandana on the team and dyed them red with food coloring so we could show our spirit!  One day we went down to the beach for olympics and they had spelled Red Hots in the sand!  It was HUGE & had seaweed on top of it so you could have seen it from an airplane!  It was such fun and all Missy's idea.  I also think about how encouraging she was.  Even during the midst of her own struggles, she would take time to write encouraging comments on this blog.  She was so excited when I got pregnant and was so thoughtful - always sending little notes & gifts for Madison Claire.  I will also remember how she grew in her faith. Last summer at the Lighthouse she told me that she had come to accept that she was going to lose Ryan to cancer probably that year and that God was in control. She was an amazing wife, mother & friend...with so much energy and strength.  I will miss her terribly.

When I think about Ryan, the image that comes to mind is him walking down the street at Rosemary Beach from the town hall to the Barbados pool our first summer at the lighthouse.  He had wandered off and we couldn't find him...my parents literally lost him during flip flop time!  We sent out a search crew of volunteers to look for him and I happened to be one of the ones that saw him walking down the street by himself at 6 years of age!  Knowing Ryan as well as I do now, this isn't surprising to me that he would wander off and do his own thing...but it sure freaked us out then!  Ryan loved to make others smile & get into trouble!  I remember the special bond he had with my dad..."Mr. Steve" as he calls him.  That entire week he was either in my dads arms or on his shoulders.  It was so sweet and we all grew so attached to him!  Fast forward a few years and I remember meeting the Morgans at Jillians in Atlanta to have dinner and play games.  Ryan wanted to come back home with us and spend the night with Patrick.  I remember visiting him in the hospital numerous times, especially when he had his brain surgery.  I remember last summer at the Lighthouse him running in front of the stage while Todd Fields was playing - always the center of attention! At the end of that trip, my Ryan gave little Ryan one of his Mr. Clean shirts...it was the one I had bought him in France.  Ryan was so happy!  I remember visiting with them at their house this past Thanksgiving and Ryan asking where "Big Ryan" was.  I will miss his quirkyness and the little smile he gets when he is embarrassed.  I will not forget him.

As I think about how this could happen to one family, I must admit that I just don't understand.   It seems like it is too much to bear.  I am reminded of the Casting Crowns song "Praise you in this storm".  The lyrics are below:

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down 
and wiped our tears away, 
stepped in and saved the day. 
But once again, I say amen 
and it's still raining 
as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain, 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away. 

Chorus: 
And I'll praise you in this storm 
and I will lift my hands 
for You are who You are 
no matter where I am 
and every tear I've cried 
You hold in your hand 
You never left my side 
and though my heart is torn 
I will praise You in this storm 

I remember when I stumbled in the wind 
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again 
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on 
if I can't find You 
and as the thunder rolls 
I barely hear You whisper through the rain 
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls 
I raise my hands and praise 
the God who gives and takes away 

Chorus 

I lift my eyes onto the hills 
where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 
I lift my eyes onto the hills 
where does my help come from? 
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 

Chorus 

My heart truly is torn but I know that I serve a God that is bigger than all of this.  If you remember, Missy was very sick last Thanksgiving and for all intensive purposes, should have died then.  The Lord saved her - literally a miracle - and gave her 7 more months with her family.  I don't claim to know or understand why things happen the way that they do but I can't help but wonder if the Lord didn't keep her alive so that she could spend the time with her family and die right before Ryan to be there for him when he died...to welcome him to heaven.  Ryan was on so much pain medication when she died that it is hard to know how much he understood or comprehended what was happening...I think this is a blessing because he wasn't able to be afraid.  Les said on their blog that Missy is holding one of her babies and I believe with all of my heart that this is true.  She is holding Ryan in heaven and they are in no more pain.  

We are thankful to God & the Lighthouse for bringing our families together and grieve with Les, Heidi and Will as they navigate the coming weeks, months & years.  Lord - grant them peace.

5 Years!

Friday, July 3rd was our 5 year anniversary!  When I really think about it, it feels like a time warp.  In some ways it feels like I have been married to Ryan forever because I can't imagine my life without him in it everyday and in some ways I can't believe that it has been 5 years because the time has just flown by!  We celebrated down in Destin at my parents condo.  We were there by ourselves from Tuesday - Saturday while Madison Claire was in Atlanta with my parents.  We had a great time laying out by the pool, doing our p90x workouts, making endless concoctions with the VitaMix blender (our anniversary gift to ourselves!) and just being together.  Our anniversary night we went to the Red Bar for dinner and had our favorite crab cakes....Yum!  I am so thankful for my sweet husband...I am blessed!

Saturday we drove to Atlanta to pick up our little punkin and now our family is complete once again!  We stopped in Chattanooga on Sunday to see Papa Howard in the hospital.  Mama Howard, Aunt Frances, and Aunt Lynn kept Madison Claire while we went to the hospital.  She had so much fun with them!  We were able to show him the video of Madison swimming on my computer and he thought it was "so cute" in his words.  He also said he thought that she looked like both of us.   Please continue to pray for his health & recovery.  Please also pray for my Aunt Lynn as she is going through treatment for Breast Cancer.  I hate cancer.

Our little tadpole!

Our last week in Destin was fantastic!!! We were able to be at the condo with Madison Claire and my family through Tuesday and it was so much fun to go swimming with her.  She LOVES the water!!!!  We bought a little floaty at Publix and were so excited to see what she would do when fully immersed in the pool.  We put her little feet in the pool at Sarah & Ryan's condo last month but it was too cold to get her all in the water so this was her first time really being in the pool!  All of our high hopes and she basically had no reaction...it was like it was any other moment in her life outside of the water...so strange!!! But...after a minute or two we were smitten because she was a little swimmer!  She just kicked those feet over and over!  It truly was absolutely precious!!!  We took her swimming 5 times while we were there and it was just the best!  I can't wait to be able to take her again!  Check out these cute pics & this one video:

Come on down, Come on over, Come on into The Lighthouse!

Another great year at the Lighthouse!  We had such a great time serving and are so thankful to Melinda for following God's calling to start the Lighthouse 10 years ago!  This is our 5th year serving so it is hard to believe that we have been around for half of the organizations life!  Wow - things have definitely changed since our first time to serve back in the summer of 2005.  Serving at the Lighthouse gives us a glimpse of God's love for us and really changes our perspective on life.  We are reminded that regardless of our circumstances, God is good, God cares, God is in control, and God wants us to know him.  A few highlights of the week include:

*When we left the house on Saturday to drive down to Destin, Ryan said we couldn't have any more kids because we couldn't fit anything else in the back of the Pilot!  I told him we would just have to buy a Suburban.

*We came to One Water Place and spent the night with the McSwains & Madison Claire.  She was great in her pack-n-play and has slept through the night now for 3 straight weeks!  WOO HOO!!!

*We headed over to Rosemary on Sunday to help with the final preparations.  We were really supposed to be there on Saturday to help with the unloading from the warehouse.  Thanks to the FABULOUS Green family for stepping in for us.  We had such fun serving with them this week on the Production team and they were so gracious to us even though we weren't there on Saturday.

*We stayed in a house with my parents and for the first time at Rosemary it wasn't a house that we would die to have!  Let's just say the decorating taste was a little odd...and very different than our own!  It was super modern and had some scary paintings!!  The bathroom in our room had the toilet in the shower - seriously...check out the picture below.  Regardless of the crazy house - we are thankful to the owners for donating it to the Lighthouse for the week - so generous!

*It was a great group of volunteers and my parents did a great job as Family Partner Coordinators.  We were excited to see all of the people we had volunteered with in the past: Don & Debbie Willison, George & Sandy Kaufman, Shannon Neuber, Rachel & Craig Maulden, and Troy & Stacey Fountain.  It was also great to meet all of the first time volunteers and look forward to serving with everyone again in the future!

*Thanks to the Lighthouse staff - Melinda, Colleen, Elizabeth, Katie, Trisha, Teri and Buck & Eleanor for a great trip!

*There were 14 families this year which is the most in Lighthouse history.  We ask for your prayers for the sweet kids: Riley Philpot, Will Asbell, Zachary Mashburn, Gavin Quinn, Katie Seaman, Bayleigh Phillips, Taylor Hendrix, Andrew Robinson Faith Howie, Abigail Kelley, Brody Blades, Ethan Jones, Andrew Petrea & Jackson Austin.

*I was in charge of the older girls (14 years or older) each day and Ryan was in charge of the boys ages 7-11.  It was so sweet to see Ryan with all of those boys.  He played football on the lawn with them most days and it was just awesome.  I had a glimpse of him down the road with a little boy and it just warmed my heart!

*I got sick on Friday and missed most of the day in bed - BUMMER!

*This is the first time we have been at the Lighthouse without the whole family.  Meredith was working, Patrick was in summer school, and Sarah & Ryan had some Fetz family obligations so it was just us & my parents.  It gave me a glimpse of what it would be like to be an only child and I didn't like it one bit!  We missed my sibilings big time.  We also missed the Morgan family as it was our first time at the Lighthouse without them there as well.  Please continue to pray for Missy and Ryan as they are both very sick and in a lot of pain.  

*The McSwains kept Madison at One Water Place in Destin and were in HEAVEN!!  They brought her out to visit with us on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.  She stayed for about 2 hours on Tuesday & Friday and for about 4 hours on Wednesday.  Of course we missed her but we did pretty well considering it was our first time away from her for that long.  The worst part was having to pump every 3 hours - it was the most frustrating, exhausting thing....it was such a bummer but worth it to be able to continue to breastfeed her now!  She was a little fussy when we would see her...we aren't sure if she was mad at us for leaving her or if the ride out to Rosemary just got her in a funk.  The McSwains had such a great time with her and said she was her normal angel baby self here at the Condo.  Thank you Cheryl & Gary for keeping her for us this week so we could serve at the Lighthouse!!  This picture about sums up how they felt about the week:

Thank you to everyone who has supported us financially to volunteer at the Lighthouse over the years and for your prayers while we are there.  To learn more about the Lighthouse, check out their website at http://www.lighthousefamilyretreat.org.   We'd love to have you serve with us next year!

 

She found her thumb!!

Okay...this technically happened about 2.5 weeks ago on June 15th...but I'm just now getting around to updating the blog!  It is officially the cutest thing you have ever seen..she just sucks away and it makes her so happy!!!  It has also helped with her demeanor when she wakes up because she used to cry and now she will just sit there looking cute as can be with her eyes wide open sucking that thumb!!!  I wasn't sure if I wanted her to be a thumb sucker at first but am LOVING it now! Check out these pics: