2011 Reflections

2011 was a year where we experienced some of the highest highs and some of the biggest disappointments. We experienced a deep well of emotions ranging from pain to betrayal to sadness to disappointment from CPA, walked through months of job searching for Ryan which was exciting and stressful at the same time (though mostly stressful), moved from the place that was home to us, that we spent so many days and hours picking out every detail and making every decision on, moved further away from family and friends into a rental house in Memphis, rats and all.  Those of you who know me well know that being an encourager is something that comes fairly naturally to me - I consider it to be one of my spiritual gifts.  There were times in 2011 where I felt that my "encouraging bucket" was completely dry.  There were more times than I would like to remember where I felt my heart just ache and I surely cried more tears in 2011 than I have in the previous 10 years combined.  There were parts of 2011 that I don't want to think about or remember.

And then there was the buddy.  Born amidst uncertain circumstances and tremendous stress in our home and yet he is the most laid back, easy going baby you will ever meet.  He spent the first 6 weeks of his life back and forth in the car house hunting in Memphis, and never really got to enjoy a nursery to call his own and yet he exudes joy.  The joy we experienced in adding him to our family, watching Madison Claire grow into her role as a sister, learning how to work together to manage a family of 4, and being forced to focus on forming a "new normal" in Memphis brought us closer together.  To this day, I look at his sweet face and am in awe that God chose Ryan and I to be his parents and I am thankful.

Madison Claire seemed to change over night from a toddler to a little girl.  She went from calling Annie "a-ee" to "annie", "dadu" to "dora", "pippys" to "pigtails", and "mommy" to "mom" (that one still freaks me out!).  She embraced having Mac in the house better than I could have imagined- loving him, always wanting to help, and continuing to be a happy child.  Her version of a temper tantrum was pretending to be asleep (I'll take that over a screaming child any day) and she finally began eating - a lot, as if to make up from the first 2 years where she ate like a bird.  She needs reminding, but is gracious to others saying please & thank you pretty close to 100% of the time.  She doesn't really like to share, but she is smart and thinks if she gives you a different toy, she might distract you long enough to forget you really want the one she has.  She loves her "bear bear" and found the replacement we bought so now has "two bear bears" (so much for that great idea!).  She started going to preschool in Memphis 2 days a week and potty trained herself.  She loves riding her bike, brushing her teeth, playing outside, and cheering for daddy at his football games.  She had a hard time when I went back to work, but talks often about how she is going to work one day and likes to play with her computer when I'm working on mine.  Grayson is her best friend.  She is friendly to others, but is timid when put in new environments where she doesn't know anyone.  She loves going to church and singing songs.  She is vibrant, and funny, and beautiful...and once again, I am thankful.  Thankful beyond belief that she is our daughter.

And then there is Ryan.  My amazing husband and best friend.  I am most thankful for him.  It sounds strange to say, but he is all-in.  What I mean by that is that he is invested in our family.  He is invested in me, he is invested in our kids, and when he is home he is not just here, he is helpful and engaged and active.  He is a great example to our kids of a Godly husband and father.  It has been and continues to be my prayer that he would feel affirmed at work, but I want to publicly affirm that he is appreciated and loved at home and that in this moment I could not imagine a better husband on the planet.

And for me, in 2011, I'm thankful to have a job that allows me to be home with my kids and have flexibility in my schedule.  That even though I don't love my job, I love my life - and that is more important.  I'm thankful that God stepped in to prevent me from taking the new job in early 2011, so that I could be flexible and work from anywhere with Ryan's job circumstances.  I've struggled with getting the baby weight off from Mac and have to remind myself somewhat frequently to give myself some grace.  I'm thankful for Annie - in so many ways.  That she loves my kids as much as I do, that she knows them - in all their glory & all their faults - and truly loves them.  That in moving to a city where I knew no one and had no friends, I have Annie not only here but living under the same roof.  I would choose Annie as a friend even if she wasn't our nanny, and that has been a blessing, especially during the circumstances of this year.  I've been busy adjusting to life in Memphis, working, going to Pure Barre class, and trying to meet some friends.  I am thankful for the women that God is bringing into my life from ECS & River City Church.  This year in review from my Facebook status does a nice job of summarizing my year quite nicely:

Lauren McSwain - My Year in Status (2011)

Today is the big day - what's your prediction??  Girl or boy??* Hearing Madison Claire say Thank You Mama has got to be one of the sweetest things * is heartbroken * home sweet home with the 2 people I love most in the whole wide world * ultrasound today looked good - Praise the Lord * So thankful for Madison Claire...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sweet angel! *I love my church * loves that Madison Claire has to kiss and hug "baby brother" (i.e. my belly)  before she will go to sleep and as soon as she wakes up - precious! * Baby Mac is here!  7lbs 15 oz, 19.5 inches * Happy Wedding Day to Meredith & Ben!! * We decided spur of the moment to put our house on the market last weekend  - it went up on Sunday night and we had an offer by 1pm on Monday.  Fast forward a few complicated days and we are under contract set to close in mid-July.  In this market that can't be anything other than God!  Just another sign that we are supposed to be in Memphis!  Thanks to Kara Moore for her real estate help! * Seven years ago today I married my best friend.  I could not have dreamed what an AMAZING husband and dad he would be.  Happy Anniversary to my sweet Ryan! I love you, Babe! * Baby Mac rolled over yesterday * Everyone should have a 4 month old in their life - it's seriously the sweetest age! * When we pull up to Sonic, Madison Claire says "diet coke, sweet tea, no thanks".  She has memorized our order down to the "no thanks" when they ask if we want anything else!  Priceless! * She did it!!!!  First night with no diapers or pull ups was a success! Proud mama :) * Going to bed tonight grateful for so many things....

That last statement is so true.  We have so much to be thankful for - our health, our family, each other.  Most of all, I am thankful that I know God - not just know about him, but really know him.  I am thankful for His peace amidst difficult times.  I am thankful that His plans for us are greater than we could ask or imagine and I am thankful that His spirit has brought me peace to not worry about the future.  I am thankful that God used the amazing gift of Baby Mac to remind us that He is faithful, His timing is perfect, and that the things in life that matter most are not where we earn our paycheck or how we are treated by others - that it's not where we spend our days but who we spend them with.

Here's to a much less eventful 2012, being thankful, and spending time with those you love.

love, the mcswains